


"Can you fly?

by Yui_Miyamoto



Category: LUNA SEA
Genre: Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-10-06
Updated: 2002-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29028546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto
Summary: Sugizo fears the day he won’t be able to create…
Relationships: Ryuichi/Sugizo (LUNA SEA)





	"Can you fly?

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Luna Sea. But I love them and so I made this fanfic as a form of appreciation.**  
  
  
I take a drag of my cigarette and breathe out the fumes that may later consume me. I close my eyes, nervously brushing my bangs away from my face.  
They bother me though no one would really know how uneasy I feel because I look so cool, calm, and collected. With a blue string in my pocket.  
  
From who? I wish I knew. It’s a girl who sent me a neat, big package from the States as if it were my birthday. Her sweet scent somehow made its way all the way here to Japan.  
I don’t know how she found my address, but I love the gift all the same. It was a letter of appreciation, love and confidence with some soft, baby blue blanket to add a touch of security.  
  
Maybe it is strange, but I find it beautiful all the same.  
  
The string? It’s the birthday kind you put on balloons.  
I feel that way with this first performance for this band we call Luna Sea.  
  
But, I’m not close to these members.  
Not yet. Not just yet.  
  
I’ve always been a loner unable to trust other people though I understand them in some way. Feeling my humanness in my fingers, I take another drag as I look up to the dark blue sky without its stars. A moon is over my head.  
If we make it and I find what I’m looking for, I’ll make a promise now.  
  
“I’ll name my child Luna,” I whisper to myself. “Whether it’s a boy or a girl.”  
  
But I have a feeling, she’ll be a beautiful baby girl.  
I know it.  
I just know it…  
  
I lean on the wall sighing to myself. I want to get away and yet I want to stay. Though I’ve worked so hard for this, there’ll always be that part of me that says, “What the hell were you thinking?”  
You have the talent, it’s in your blood.  
  
But…  
…what will happen to you when you can’t create anymore?  
  
That was one of the biggest fears I’ve ever had in my life: The day I wouldn’t have anything to create.  
  
“I would die” is my simple, yet truthful answer.  
  
How can you expect me to ever stop what I love? It’s like telling me to stop breathing. This was the personal war I’ve always had with myself, always in the back of my mind.  
  
I know I came into music as a prodigy…  
…but to keep it, it meant that I had to sacrifice my heart, my soul, my mind, my body to achieve the epitome of beauty that couldn’t be found anywhere else in the world.  
  
I am alone, and yet not so.  
My music. This is how confused and confident I am.  
  
Does this make any sense at all?  
  
To sing was letting out the words that had settled somewhere in my heart but never came out before. They were distorted and tangled, yet true with their existence.  
  
I never wanted to waste my breath or my time. I’m practical that way.  
  
To play, I went to a place that no one could take me out from. I was playing to make myself happy all this time, the only happiness I found very satisfying. And to think that people would want to hear me?  
  
I’ve never felt so…wanted? No, that’s not the word.  
  
I cling onto that blue string.  
Whoever she was…she was giving me strength at this time. This girl I’ve never met.  
  
But even more so, I loved music as if it were my lover.  
  
“It’s time to go in,” J says as he lifts up his chin with a grin.  
I feel at ease for a moment as I enter that back door to get onto the stage.  
  
The fans were out there watching us…  
  
I was shy, but I always seemed to always attract attention wherever I went.  
  
Before, I thought it was my height. Maybe my looks?  
But nonetheless, I’ll tease this crowd. I’ll show you how happy you’ve made me…  
  
I don’t know how the others are feeling, but I take quick glances at them as they adjust their equipment.  
  
The crowd begins to grow wild even though we’re just an indies band.  
  
I finally take my guitar into my hands.  
My worries slip away as I hold the guitar in my hands stroking it with my fingers.  
  
Yes, music is my lover.  
I will make love to my guitar. And the notes will make a melody that shows my passion!  
  
Maybe some think this is crazy at how far I think of my obsession for music, art, and other beautiful things; but in my heart, this is normal. I cannot love things half-way.  
I love them so wholly, they can break me if I’m twisted the wrong way.  
  
And I’m okay with that.  
Extreme is the only way to go.  
  
As we begin to play, it is then that I see our dream before us.  
I am at home.  
  
These people. I like them.  
The members of Luna…they understand this love for music and share it with me, as I with them.  
  
We all exchange glances of happiness and satisfaction while playing for the yearning crowd.  
  
I look out with a smile and many girls fail in their attempt to not giggle back at me.  
Scanning the crowd, I search for that one thing I’m looking for. The other thing that drove me to music.  
  
Maybe my ribbon fan is out there in the audience?  
  
At that moment, the magnetic voice of Kawamura Ryuichi shouts and I immediately flip my head to see he’s holding his hands out.  
The person who’s our lead singer, he never likes to smile much. He somewhat ignored the crowd when we came in…  
  
I wonder why?  
But I never wanted to ask him before.  
  
When his voice rises to show how much of his heart can spill out invisibly in pain, he holds his hands out even more.  
I can’t stop looking at him.  
  
He’s like an angel in black.  
I almost thought he had wings. It would be perfect…  
  
I’d practiced with him for so long, but it was completely different now.  
Everyone was nothing like when we practiced. They were vibrant, shining brighter than the overhead lamps.  
  
My heart beat faster and faster as I got more into my guitar playing.  
  
I suddenly realize that what I’ve been looking for may have been in front of my eyes all this time…  
  
It is then that Ryuichi turns his head towards my direction and nods at the end of the song. With arms still reaching out, his sweat drops to the ground as he gives me a slight smile.  
Was that an illusion just now?  
  
But I didn’t know because he turned back to the crowd…  
  
At the end of the performance and when everyone else has gone home after our first successful performance, I get up from the couch and grab my jacket and guitar to go home.  
Ryuichi just sits in his chair contemplating something. But I didn’t know what.  
  
You never knew what was on his mind. A girl, tragic love, lyrics, Luna Sea…  
Every artist, to each his own warped own, I know.  
  
“Bye,” we say to one another.  
  
As I pass him, I tilt my head. “Can I ask you a question?”  
“Sure,” he answers while nodding slowly.  
  
I find myself whispering into his ear seductively as I walk by him, “Can you fly?”  
  
While lifting up the hand holding the guitar, I smile at him.   
He looks at me in shock.  
  
But I know from this look,  
He only half understands what I mean.  
  
I don’t understand why I’d said that either. I’ll never understand myself…  
  
I turn around to the silence not expecting an answer anyway.  
  
At that moment, he confidently answers as his voice echoes on the walls,  
“Yes, I can.”  
  
I look back in slight surprise as he really grins at me in a boyish way with all its charm.  
His eyes, all-knowing.  
  
Ryuichi _had_ understood exactly what I’d meant.  
  
 **Owari.  
**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. This is my first J-rock fic.
> 
> I am not a diehard Sugizo fan as one of my close friends Neecolaaa, but I wanted to do this because I was inspired by a doujinshi description I had seen years ago. It was so Sugizo, so I had to do it. I wrote this because I really do like him.
> 
> I felt that I knew enough about Sugizo-san to do a fic. I hope I did him justice. I’m happy to have heard an artist as intricate and as passionate as him in my lifetime. I cry every time I hear “Luna”. And I wonder how he handles it without Luna in Japan because she’s in Santa Monica, CA.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
